National Coming Out Day 2010

Like most of the LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender) community, I am acknowledging that today is National Coming Out Day.  But I wouldn't say that in the recent months that it is anything to celebrate. 

In September alone there were 9+ deaths attributed to Anti-gay bullying.  In light of this, why would anyone want to celebrate coming out as gay/lesbian?

But, in spite of all the bullying, and the depression, and the suicides, and the hate, young people are coming out earlier than ever.  And more of them are coming out.  So I have to ask why? 

I've thought long and hard about this, and it's applicable to me (and probably everyone else too) but the reasons to come out are better than the alternative.  People come out because the pressure of hiding who you are everyday, from everybody is unimaginable for someone who hasn't had to do it, out of fear of retaliation and sometimes out of fear for their very lives.  People come out because we have been taught from childhood that it's only going to be worse if you lie, but if you tell the truth it may still hurt, but not as much.  We are taught from childhood that the truth will set you free.  People come out because they want to taste that freedom.

The alternative is to internalize all that fear and hatred that is cast your way.  You begin to believe everything that everyone says about you.  Nobody with any ability to stop it actually does so, indeed they rarely if ever listen to what you have to say.  It makes you feel like you're standing in a room full of people with power to end world hunger, bring world peace about, cure every illness, and you're telling them how to do it but they just don't hear you.  You eat fear for breakfast and hatred for lunch, day in and day out.  It works it's way into your mind, your heart, and eventually your soul with no real outlet, because nobody listens.  And by the time they do, it's usually too late.  For them, or for others.

In the spirit of encouraging young people to come out and realize the truth about themselves and life in general Dan Savage and his partner Terry have started the It Get's Better Project as a way to spread the truth that it does get better.  I, personally, hope that not only do LGBT people get hope and support from this, but also bullys get exposed to some of this and realize how pervasive and how utterly consuming hate can be, and how it affects people.  I can hope, can't I?

I count myself fortunate that I was never bullied/harassed to the point that I felt that the only way to make it stop was to kill myself.  I contemplated it, I won't lie about that.  Any kid/teen who is bullied for years on end thinks about it and indeed comes up with plans to follow through, but I didn't.

What saved me was in High School I finally developed a network of friends, something I hadn't had a lot of before that.  So once I came out in college (which was a place where I could have been severely bullied/harassed) from what I understand, my friends stepped in and told people off.  So I never heard much of anything.  I'll never know how much they stood up for me, but I think they should know how grateful I am for what they did.

My family had pretty much the normal family reaction.  They didn't disown me, and they said that no matter what they still loved me.  But you could tell things were different.  As they say though, everything gets better with time, and so it is with my family.  As time goes on, they are coming around...slowly. 

But I'm more free than I ever have been, and every day I contemplate new thoughts about the past, let go of some things (some things WAY more slowly than others) and I move on.  And I wouldn't have it any other way.  I now exist as an out gay man. 

As an addendum to this, I found this video which is really a video inside a film entitled Bang Bang You're Dead which aired on Showtime.  It's not as bad as bullying is entirely, but it's a lot more realistic than anything I've seen.  So watch it, and think about it.  Realize the truth.

Never Forget!

I was contemplating on writing a blog regarding the comments of the Imam from NYC who want's to build the cultural center, that he made on his 60 minutes interview (I think it was 60 Minutes).  But then I noticed, like everyone else yesterday, the shocking number of suicides of young people attributed to anti-gay bullying.  And my heart wept.

There are a lot of people involved in this now, but I think that they aren't doing justice for those who have needlessly lost their lives due to other people's hatred and intolerance, and still other people's unwillingness to stand up for what is right and put a stop to this.  So in this blog, I will remember (and post links) to all who have taken their own lives due to bullying.


Seth Walsh - California.

Tyler Clemente - New Jersey

Billy Lucas - Indiana

Cody Barker - Wisconsin

Asher Brown - Texas

Raymond Chase - Rhode Island

Caleb Nolt - Indiana (From information I could gather, Caleb was not gay, but was bullied for others' perception of his orientation)

Justin Aaberg - Minnesota (apparently after fact checking he died in July, but he still counts!)


I post these links as a reminder that it took 6 senseless deaths for anyone to notice.  It took 6 deaths before anyone spoke up, myself included.  It took 6 deaths and not one major new network bothered to do a story.  6 deaths later, and we're still not addressing the problem.

Look at the number of places in the list.  It's not just some isolated incident.  This is a nationwide epidemic of hate, intolerance, viciousness, and inaction.  It crosses all state lines and geographical boundaries to infect our children. And the lives of children who's potential will never be known is the cost.

People are worried about gay marriage, and the gay agenda.  That it will infect the schools and somehow warp the values of children making them view gay as okay.  But what people (adults) fail to realize is that the "gay agenda" is already alive and well in schools.  It lives in the children who identify as gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, questioning, intersex, and allies.  They are the ones pushing for GSA's in schools, and fighting for their own rights to be safe and un-accosted at school for being themselves. 

But for every child that stands up for what is right, and pushes for equality in the world of education, it seems that we have more needless death because there are those who become so overwhelmed by the hate that seems to pervade this country they they can do naught else but the most drastic.  They don't see a way out, they see no one to confide in, they don't realize that it will get better, eventually.

Nobody should have to wait for this to end.  6 deaths in 18 days in the month of September alone.  6 deaths before anyone paid serious attention.  Maybe it's time we did something more?

Update: I found this link which has a larger list of deaths due to anti-gay bullying than I could find.  

Keep on keepin' on

Well here we are once again.  There's been a few things that have happened.  I'm still working, and have secured benefits for myself.  So now I have a true grown up job.  Ergo, no worries there.

So the senate of the US voted against a law that would move toward repealing DADT in the last couple of days.  Which, I personally, don't know what to think of, except for the fact that it is not in the best interests of the nation for the purposes of what the armed forces are charged with.

In other news, Lady Gaga at a rally in Maine gave a speech calling for equality in the armed forces.  The purpose of the rally was to push senators from Maine, and others to vote for the legislation that would move toward the repeal of DADT.  I watched her give the speech.  It's below.





So I think that her argument is rather well crafted from a rhetorical standpoint.  First she rambles off the oath that members of the armed forces take.  Then she equates equality to the finest cut of meat that one can receive, which is a comparison that everyone (meat eater or not) can relate to.  Then she begins to describe a policy which appears to be the inverse of DADT.  It has the same overall purpose of DADT which is to dismiss soldiers which have an affect on military morale and unit cohesion.  But she goes on to say that the policy should be sending home those who have a problem with gay soldiers, because, according to her, *they* are the ones with the most affect on military morale and unit cohesion, because they're letting their hate get in the way military morale and unit cohesion.  In all truth it's not the best rhetoric ever crafted, but there is a little bit of creativity and brainpower behind all the glam that is GaGa.  Which is good to know.

After the Republican Primary, I was rather distressed to see that Christine O'Donnell had won in Delaware.  I was distressed because her whole campaign slogan seemed to be this:

*points at opponent* "He's gay!  Vote for me."

And that I don't think is a basis on which anyone should be voting for anything.  And then this article comes out wherein she says that homosexuality is an identity disorder.  Her reasoning for deciding to spout something that has generally been accepted as false in the Psychiatric and Psychology communities since the late 70s, is that people are made in Gods image.  Now the article goes on to say that this isn't a verbatim quote, but a paraphrased version of her beliefs.

Now my issue with that is twofold.  1) She has no place using religion as her platform to run for any sort of political seat.  2) If you want to get into a religious debate, technically we are all made in gods image, so by that argument everything from smoking, to fornication, to lying, to cheating, to swearing is an identity disorder, because it's all based on societal factors.  Because we're all made in God's image.

Well it seems that pastors and young boys is not simply a Catholic thing anymore and has moved into the realm of the Protestants.  This article is just another one in a long list of ones where allegations have been made regarding the impropriety of those in power.  Also, it's a little extra stinging because the New Birth Missionary Baptist Church supports Ex-gay therapy and those leading it have support legislation banning gay marriage and now the pastor has allegations of homosexual relations with minors.  I think there's something funny in the republican party and the evangelical christian movement.

Remember way back in the last presidential election, when a bunch of pastors decided to take time out of their sermon on a sunday morning to tell their congregations why they should vote against Obama.  Following that there was a short, but intense debate on whether or not churches that that participated in that action should lose their tax exempt status.  If you recall, I was all for that, because political posturing has no place behind the pulpit.  Well this story out of Hawaii details a church that finally got the book thrown at it for leading the fight against civil unions.  I think this is an appropriate penalty for any church who throws itself into the political arena for things like this.  Most notably the Mormon Church (LDS) in the US for it's massive politicking with Prop 8 in California.

So there ya go.  More of my opinions and what not.  So as always, I really appreciate you, my readers and I welcome comments and whatnot.  I'm always up for constructive discourse, so have at it.  =)

Whirlwind

So, here I am once again, after a whirlwind of interesting tidbits and experiences.  Shall I start chronologically or just sort of have a mental explosion and see where things end up.  Hmm.

Let's see.  I watched the movie Kinsey earlier, since we have a DVR and I can now record shows.  (And have gotten my roommate J addicted to it as well, which is all part of my master plan, [insert evil laughter here]).  While watching this movie, I was struck by the thought about what sets apart people who end up fighting for socio-cultural change?  Martin Luther, Martin Luther King Jr, Galileo, Sir Issac Newton, the list goes on and on (and naturally includes Alfred Kinsey).

I mean if you think about it, all people are born with the capacity for that sort of radical change.  Most people accept social norms about the way things are because that's the way they have been for X long and leave it at that.  Others get so far at achieving socio-cultural change and give up or are stymied by the very status-quo that they are fighting to change.  Still others get just to the point of being martyrs for the cause of change, and falter at that one pivotal moment.  But then there are those who give the most and sometimes the all for the things that they believe need to change.  These are the ones that go down in history as famous or infamous for the changes they enact.  But my question is, what spark of passion exists in the beings of these few individuals of history that doesn't exist in everyone (or at least isn't snuffed out by the status quo)?  Or maybe a better way of putting it would be: what ignites that spark into the blazing inferno that allows them to pursue their desire to see things change without regard for other things?  I haven't an answer, but it's certainly something to ponder.

Now for a completely different change in mindset, let me just address an issue that has been bothering me for some time now.  And since I've moved (mostly) beyond caring what other people think, I'm going to give away some "man secrets" [insert impending doom music here].

For those of you who don't know (or haven't had the pleasure of a male public restroom) it might behoove you to realize that there are some unspoken rules to these places.  One of them is that once you cross the threshold of this place, you mustn't speak to anyone.  Nor, do you make eye contact.  Number 2 is dependant on the number of urinals in the mens room.  If there are 2 urinals, only one may be used at any given time, and it is taboo to use the open one if the other is in use.  You are expected to go to a stall.  If there are 3 urinals, the ones on the end may be used, but NEVER the one in the middle.  Woe to you who use the one in the middle, as you will inevitably raise the level of unspoken sexual tension that pervades this place.  If there are more than 3 urinals in the rest room then you can use any of them, provided that you leave a 1 urinal buffer in between the ones being used.  (now we're getting to the really weird ones) If you are at a urinal, you must look straight ahead, or down (to make sure that you're not making a mess of yourself, naturally).  But you must NEVER look to the right or the left, as this is taboo.  Although the occasional look up to the ceiling is acceptable, but don't overuse it.  And then there are those guys for whom the sexual tension in this place is too much to bear and they always use the stall to go #1.

Why am I telling you all this, you may ask?  Because I think it's high time that men realize how effing paranoid we are and also how stupid.  So you can get naked in front of a bunch of guys in a locker room and shower and joke and saunter around comfortable in your own masculinity, but you can't pee in front of other guys without it being awkward?  I'm gay and this makes me confused.  Maybe it's the presence of the lockers or something.  I dunno.  It can't be the smell, because if you've ever been in a mens room in the summer, then you know there is no difference in smell.  Which should shame all men, everywhere. 

As a side note, if you're reading this and I seem to have neglected to mention an unspoken rule of the forbidden mens room, please, by all means, comment and let me know what it is I've forgotten, so all can share in the glory of male sexual tension paranoia.  =)

I turned 25 a couple of weeks ago, and naturally I only remember part of my birthday, which means operation quarter century was a success.  I don't want to say that successfully completing 25 years of existence has changed my outlook, but a few things have been updated.  And I think they are good.  So all is well there.

I finally had the pleasure of attending Gen Con this year.  And was amazed at a few things.  Firstly, there is a physical gamer archetype which 80% of gamer men fit.  I was also heartened to realize that there is a ever growing subset of gamers who carry the moniker of gaymer.  You can infer what that means by the spelling.  Hopefully the group of them that reside in Chicago will have an event or get together that I can attend.  Scheduling is the bane of adult existence. 

Found some really interesting t-shirts and other things at Gen Con and met some really awesome people. 

So that's all for now, a few rants, some updates, and my promise that I will attempt to be more attentive to this blog, but working is stressful.  Although the good news on that front is that tomorrow I have an informational meeting for benefits which start Sept 1.  Which means I can finally open that bottle of wine I've been saving for almost three years in celebration. 

The story behind the wine is that when I lost my job(s) a couple of years ago, I had bought a bottle of wine which I had wanted to drink at a good celebration.  Well after I lost my job, I decided that I wouldn't open that bottle of wine until I got a full time job that came with benefits.  Well Sept 1 is the day those kick in, and I'm going to have a party and open that bottle of wine.  So, keep yourselves open in Sept, as there is going to be a party!

Update.

Okay. Just to let people know: I haven't been blogging due to lack of ideas or experiences, but due to computer access. Hopefully that will be remedied soon and the deluge of thoughts, reviews, and experiences will be let loose.

So bear with me. I'll be back soon...I hope. =)
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

I think yiddish has a word for this...

So, I realize that it's been a long while since I've graced you all with my presence.  And that's just going to have to be okay.  I've been having to put up with the most obnoxious breed of human being imaginable.  Yes, I'm talking about the car thief.

Just to make sure that you're all on the same page: since I was last here I have 1) had some sort of bronchitis-like illness (which I can't go to the doctor for because I lack insurance coverage and the money to pay for drugs), 2) Had my 95(93) (we were never really quite sure of the year of my car) Buick Century (yes, a Buick Century) stolen, and not recovered, 3) Bought a new car (which caused me to swallow yet more pride, mmm tasty), 4) Accrued about 9k in debt 6 months after filing for bankruptcy. (Just what I wanted to do), and last but not least 5) I haven't managed to piss anyone at my current job off yet, and made it past the 3 month mark.  Which garners me a $0.25 raise, and PTO (Paid time off).  Which is something I've never had before.  The PTO I mean.

So needless to say, I'm kinda [insert appropriate melancholy adjective feeling here].  I also think that car thieves should be shot in the knees and run over.

And before you ask if the police (gigglesnort) have found my vehicle, don't.  It's sort of a sore point in all of this.  Because, the police response to this has been...well...practically nonexistent.  Don't get me wrong, I understand that I live in a metro/urban area and there are murders and drug deals and other crimes that happen and take precedence.

But it seems to me that in this economy, when people are downsizing their budgets and such that automobile theft would be taken more seriously because people are becoming 1 car families.  Especially families with limited income.  While I did get a new car, thanks primarily to J (my roommate, landlord, and current incarnate guardian angel) that doesn't solve the bigger problem of police attention to grand theft auto (a felony might I add).

I also learned something interesting about the current Milwaukee Police Chief's policy regarding theft is that they don't even bother sending a squad unless the value of the stolen objects exceeds $3000.  I have 2 problems with this currently.  First, who keeps a record of the price of their valuables handy.  I know I do.  So if our place got robbed, I'd be able to give the police the exact price of every object that was stolen and its current depreciated value.  [/sarcasm] Second, a car that costs less than 3000 dollars could be 1 families only source of transportation to and from employment and other places.  So perhaps a little policy revision is in order, methinks.

So I came across this song/video in my pro-homosexuality searches.  Be warned that it's a touch vulgar so probably not work appropriate. 






I've had this song in my head for the last 4 days.  It's a catchy little ditty.  And because it's apparently from the UK, their censors are a little more lax.  The name of the song is probably what you think it is.  But it has another name that it goes by "Guess Who Batman" by British artist Lily Allen.

Drought continues

Not that I'm talking about actual lack of rain, but the lack of inspiration/motivation.  It always seems to strike me at this time of the year.  I think it's the weather.  Which is not to say that I don't have anything to say or that I'm not thinking about anything, but rather that I lack the motivation to organize my thoughts/musings into any sort of a coherent form.

Also, can I just say that catching some sort of illness in the warm weather of summer absolutely sucks (and not in the good fun way).  I've been battling some sort of a throat/sinus drainage thing for a couple days now and I have to say that I think it's completely ill timed.

So, without much more to say (and at the risk of already sounding rather "babble-ish") I'll end here and hope for the inspiration/motivation storm to come soon.  Because I'm sick and tired of writing blogs that do nothing but say that I have nothing to write about.  Blah.