Measuring gains and losses within the dichotomy

With the impending release of the final Harry Potter book and the end of such an era that it signifies, I feel the need to be nostalgic for a moment and ponder those things that I have come to gain and lose in my life. Not knowing where to start, I shall start with some of the things I think are bigger.

Innocence. Most of us possess this as a [younger] youth. But along the road of life, we are beset by the troubles of life, and the hardships that lie within it. Things happen in our lives and our hearts become hardened to those things that we would have once thought of as amazing. Simple things become less pleasurable as the innocence is slowly eroded from our hearts, and the bitter realism begins to infect us. As I grow, I long for that innocence and the simplicity that comes along with it, and I find myself wondering if, once lost can it ever be recovered? I don't know. And though I long for it, I also find it intensely unlikeable. Only because that bitter realism that has taken a hold of me causes me to see innocence as naivety and ignorance. Once I thought this way, and I believed I was superior to those. However, when Jesus said "Let the little children come to me, for the Kingdom of God belongs to such as these" I now understand why. Innocence is sacred, and we should help those who still possess this quality to keep it, and still temper it with the realism of the way the world works. Is it possible to make that happen? I don't know. But as I said before, innocence should not be ripped away, but allowed to fade gradually as was meant to be.

Friends. They come and they go. I don't know why friends enter ones life for a time, and then leave just as suddenly. Call it fate, call it destiny, call it the will of God, call it whatever you like, but the fact remains that some people with whom one can develop a great closeness with, will eventually leave you in some form or another. Barring death, there is usually a reason why. For some that reason is as plain as the nose on your face (forgive me if you lack such, dear reader) and for others they spend the rest of their days pondering what could possibly make someone that they trusted so much, come to view them as such an anathema. Perhaps it's a part of growing up, a mere cog in the clockwork that forces us to transition between child and adult.

Which brings me to the dichotomy that I mentioned earlier. I recently accepted a job, for post college living, that I thought would be really good. And at first it seemed like a great opportunity. Two weeks into the job I have to rethink this. I'm not entirely certain this is what I should be doing. (though I don't claim to know what it is that I should be doing, by any means, but this doesn't feel right. I realize the benefit of the job in the pay and the benefits, but I find myself unhappy with what the job entails because I know I'm capable of so much more. But I also know that without experience, I'm incapable of proving to the world that I am such.

I suppose this is one of those struggles of life (and the dichotomy that I mentioned) I feel trapped by the maturity of myself that keeps me from being horribly impetuous and moving across the country with nothing, and doing all the stupid things of [most] other 21 year olds. But I also find myself wanting the chance to have fun and be "normal" if there is such a thing. Bound by what I know is the good, right, salutary, and sensible thing to do, I cannot allow myself to do those things that I know would be fun, because of the regret that would come later (not to mention the risk). But then I have to think to myself, what if this is it? What if I never get the chance to do this again? Will I spend the rest of my life regretting not actually being a [normal] 21 year old?

So as the end of an era looms, and another uncertain time stretches before us I suppose we can only do what we have always done in such times. Hold on, and hope for the best.