Funny thing about black and white.
You mix it together and you get grey.
And it doesn't matter how much white
you try and put back in, you're never
going to get anything but grey.
-Lilah Morgan, Angel: Habeas Corpses

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Mental Rumblings

So, I haven't been updating.  I've been busy, and focusing on other things, ergo my blog has been languishing.  Which is not to say that I haven't had deep thoughts that ought to go out into the world, just that I don' think that they can be put here.  They're not bad, but they're not for public consumption, I think. I have been thinking about journaling more, but again, that leaves my blog to gather dust and cobwebs. 

Maybe I need a focus?  Something more to write about than my opinions, because let's face it, if I can't bring myself to write about them then clearly they aren't that important to me.  But then again, my opinions make up my voice, my thoughts, my personality, more or less.  If I don't care about them anymore, what do I have?  *le sigh*

I suppose I could write my opinions on Gay Rights and the fight for Equality, constantly coming out (no pun intended) against the GOP and other bigoted homophobic public figures.  Call them out, and hold them accountable for what they say and expect them to back it up.  I could focus on religious issues, but does anybody really care?  I mean outside of the liturgical and theological community who really cares, unless it pertains to an issue currently in the public eye.  Naturally I have to have an interest in two issues that are, for the moment, polar opposites.  Despite years of work on both sides, it seems that reconciliation isn't going to happen.  Perhaps the turmoil I feel spiritually comes from this?  I'm not sure.  I'm rereading the Dragonlance Chronicles (Autumn Twilight, Winter Night, Spring Dawning).  Usually I feel a connection with Raistlin.  He's an outcast, slave to his passion which leads to his downfall, and is physically weaker than most other people but has his own brand of strength.  Lately, however, I've been feeling a connection with Tanis Half-Elven.  A child of rape, he lives in two worlds, elf and human, and neither wants him.  He struggles for belonging and faith, which he can't wrap his brain around, at least until the end of the story.  I think he's sort of like me, or I'm like him.  I exist in the realm of the theological and the homosexual, and currently neither side really understands my beliefs which causes me to have one foot in each movement.  Gay rights people want me to change religions, to something that's gay affirming.  But asking me to do that is like asking me to give up the bedrock of what I believe in.  But asking me to ignore/abandon/change my sexual orientation and not embrace it as a part of who I am is tantamount to the same thing. 

No wonder I have such inner turmoil. 

I did not intend this blog to end up this deep, but when you get started sometimes things just come pouring out, and if that's the case then I just broke the dam.  Hope you, dear reader, didn't get washed away, and are still with me.  And technically, at least in central time, I'm still on time for a Wednesday entry. 

Happy Wednesday!

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

A break in the heat which also means a break in blogging inspiration

So, I slept for 11.25 hours last night, woke up at around 12:45pm central time (I usually get up around 10am) and went "What the F***!".  Then I remembered it was wednesday and spent the morning checking Facebook and my webcomics and some news sites, trying to discover something to blog about. 

So I found a couple of things.  One of which is here.  In regards to a comment said at an HIV/AIDS fundraiser.  And I agree, there needs to be more information about the fact that HIV/AIDS is not just an old persons disease.  It can happen to anyone at anytime.  From elderly people to infants, because it is borne on the blood.  Any contact with infected blood, from a car accident victim for example, potentially carries a risk of infection.   It's not just from gay sex, or hetero sex, that you can be infected.  If the idea that HIV/AIDS is a sad, old person disease is a prevalent one, we are doing our future and our young people a disservice by allowing it.  More information is always a good thing, whether you want to hear it or not.  At least if you know you can make an informed decision. 

Also there is a comment beneath the story that makes a point as well.  The A in AIDS which means Acquired.  To a lot of people that means that you have to do something, you have to go out of your way to end up infected with HIV.  As mentioned above, that is not true.  The infection of an individual can be a complete accident or a result of a mix of factors.  Only one way to get infected is via intercourse (homo or hetero).  As mentioned above, because HIV is a blood borne infection, any contact with infected blood carries a risk, no matter how small, and that is something to keep in mind.

Salt Lake City apparently is banding together to combat hatred and intolerance, in this story.  I think it's wonderful that a community, both hetero and homo, are banding together to show solidarity against this sort of tragedy.  I do think, however, that it's sad that it took the beating of this poor young man for this sort of coming together to occur.  It's very disheartening that in our everyday lives that the LGBT+ community can't find this kind of cohesiveness.  I realize that human beings tend to gather together in the face of tragedy, suffering, and persecution, but what most young people don't understand (or care about) is that everyday we are viewed as second class citizens by anyone of our countrymen or peers, we are being persecuted, we are suffering, and it is a continuing tragedy that some can't let go of their hate. 

So, we'll go on.  And hopefully, to quote Dan Savage and company, it will get better.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

There's a Liberal in the Deep South, Parents who do it right, and Homohelp!

So it's been awhile since I've had anything to post (which is not to say that there has been nothing going on in the world) and since I have had any time to actually do a little research and get a coherent post out of my brain and into the internet.  But fear not, as I have finally completed all of those things, while doing dishes, laundry, and earning a paycheck.  I want a cookie.

Where to start?  I think I'd like to begin with something that's been on my mind for awhile.  A while ago, a friend of mine (We'll call him Sunshine, you can find his blog to the left titled "my life on the z-list") posted a graphic with a link to a site called Homohelp.  It's a fun little site with snarky, helpful, and sometimes uplifting messages to help members of the LGBT(and more) community to get through life with a little bit of a laugh.  I'll admit that they have made me laugh from time to time.  But there was one that I read, and I haven't really been able to get it out of my head.  See it below, and then further on for why it's in my head.


So there it is.  I read that and it was as if it started something in my head.  So I've been thinking about this phrase off and on since I saw it posed in May.  I realize just as much as anyone that there is a point when having interaction with the LGBT+ community (the plus is to denote all the other letters in the acronym) that everything is about them and their orientation.  And yeah, it gets a little tiring from time to time.  But just as I thought that, I reminded myself that in the struggle for equality, isn't that exactly what we're fighting for?  The right to not be thought of as different or less because of who we are attracted to/love.  So maybe pride isn't necessarily just about celebrating gayness, maybe its about finally being able to express yourself in whatever way you want, no matter what, and live a life that makes you happy.  If that means embracing the gayness of oneself or someone else, or having the strength of character to come out and join the ranks of those fighting for equality, then yes, pride is more than parades and glitter.  Our pride is found in the riots of Stonewall and on the fence with Matthew Shepard.  Our pride is dirty, broken, bleeding, and beaten.  But we still have the strength to fight and celebrate, and *that* is something to have Pride about.

Wow.  That's a little deep, even for me.  Well continuing right along let's talk about parents.  Some parents have a rough time of it and some parents don't.  Other parents are doing it right, at least as far as I'm concerned.  Sunshine (see above) linked a story to his blog which you can find here.  The original story can be found here.  And I have posted it below, with no malicious intent or infringement intent either, because apparently Tumblr and Blogger don't like each other.
“Mommy, they are just like me.” 
My oldest son is six years old and in love for the first time.  He is in love with Blaine from Glee. 
For those who don’t know Blaine is a boy…a gay boy, the boyfriend of one of the main characters, Kurt.
This isn’t a ‘he thinks Blaine is really cool’ kind of love.  It is a mooning at a picture of Blaine’s face for a half hour followed by a wistful “He’s so pretty” kind of love.
He loves the episode where two boys kiss.  My son will call people in from other parts of the house to make sure they don’t miss his ‘favorite part.’  He’s been known to rewind it and watch it over again…and force other to, as well, if he doesn’t think people have been paying enough attention.
This infatuation doesn’t bother me or his father.  We live in a very hip-liberal neighborhood, many of our friends are gay, and idea of having a gay son isn’t something that bothers either of us.  Our son is going to be who he is, and it is our job to love him.  End of story.
He is also six.  Six year olds get obsessed with all kinds of things.  This might not mean anything at all.  We always joke that he’s either gay, or we have the best blackmail material in the history of mankind when he’s a 16 year old straight boy. (Take that naked bath time pictures!)
Then the other day we were traveling across the state listening to the Warblers album (of course), and in the middle of Candles, my son pipes up from the back seat.
“Mommy, Kurt and Blaine are boyfriends.”
“Yes, they are,” I affirm.
“They don’t like kissing girls.  They just kiss boys.”
“That’s true.”
“Mommy, they are just like me.”
“That’s great, baby.  You know I love you no matter what?”
“I know…” I could hear him rolling his eyes at me.
When we got home I recapped this conversation to his Dad, and we stood simply looking into each other’s eyes for a moment.  Then we smiled.
“So if at 16 he wants to make a big announcement at the dinner table, we can say ‘You told us when you were six.  Pass the carrots’ and he’ll be disappointed we stole his big dramatic moment,” my husband says with a laugh and hugs me.
Only time will tell if my son is gay, but if he is I am glad he’s mine.  I am glad he has been born into our family.  A family full of people who will love and accept him.  People who will never want him to change.  With parents who will look forward to dancing at his wedding.
And I have to admit, Blaine would be a really cute son-in-law.
So there it is.  I have to say that if all parents were as in touch with whatever true spirit of raising children there might be, these two have finally got it.  They realize that children are weird and that's ok.  And if he grows out of it, so what?  If not, so what?  And they're even mature enough to have a little humor about it with the "big announcement" comment and the blackmail material.  If all parents were to retain such a calm and sense of humor in the face of dealing with a weird infatuation of a 6 year old, maybe the world would be in a little better shape.  I'd be interested to see where this kid is in 10 years.

And now, for the Pièce de résistance, I finally found a liberal in the deep south.  I'll admit I was a little elated so realize that they exist down there and I hope he keeps doing what he's doing with his blog.  I was a little disappointed to see that he got his start with blogging as a reaction to some crazy homophobic preacher in the south.  I wish to extend my sympathy and empathy regarding all of that, and state for the record that not all of those who call themselves Christian are insane and psychologically manipulative through the use of religion.  Which I have to say that after watching a few YouTube videos of this pastor's preaching, I have to say it's a little cult-ish.  In that it uses similar ways cults would to break people down and reprogram them.  You can find one of the videos at Ashton Elijah's blog, (the video is at the bottom of the blog post) and another one on YouTube from the David Pakman show.  So, Ashton, keep up the good work, and know that you're not completely alone.  


So on that note I leave you, until next week because I have more laundry, dishes, and shopping to do, and it's not going to get done by itself.  Happy Wednesday!

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

The Return

So I have internet once again, for all the good it does my blog.  The first day I get internet I have to work and the second day I have internet I have to take care of a hell of a lot of adult things (chores, bill paying, laundry, and dishes).  Whoever said that being an adult was fun should be drug out into the street and shot at dawn.

So while I have nothing constructive to blog about recently, aside from my return to the net.  But expect exciting, new, fun things to happen next week Wednesday.  Thanks for following me during my exile from the internet. 

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Bereft of internet...so this is what it's like

So, I moved on the first of June and still don't have internet.  I'm not in charge of it, and my roommate, who is in charge of it apparently doesn't think it's a priority.  I could go to alterra or something that has free internet access, but that's not going to work with my schedule or my budget.  So, for all of you people who are now reading my blog since I pretty much stopped updating, thanks, and I'll be back soon! 

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Holy lack of posts!

Well I'm back after a month of no updates.  For which I have no excuse except for my own lack of motivation and the lack of anything really constructive to say. 


I've increased my hours at work, and am apartment hunting, which has been taking a significant chunk of time.  So between all of that and my other standing extra curricular activities I have no time left to blog, read recent news, or have anything resembling a constructive coherent thought regarding how things are.


Although last night I had a very uplifting experience/realization.  I was out at a bar, and doing my usual.  And someone was singing (poorly) karaoke and it was a song I know, like, and am familiar with.  It was a love song and I was getting into a moment and closed my eyes to imagine being with the person that I've been holding on to for awhile when I realized I couldn't.  When I imagined myself with the man of my dreams it wasn't the boy I've been holding on to.  Which did nothing but make me smile and make my week because I think I'm finally over him.  And that's a good thing.  So, between that and 9+ hours of sleep today, albeit which postponed my plans for the day, I feel surprisingly well.  Which is a good thing and has been a long time in coming.


Happy Wednesday!

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Busy day

So I've been spending the day doing laundry, going grocery shopping, and now writing a blog while trying to contain my incalculable and vehement rage at something that I discovered and watched, although as much as I'm wanting to comment on it, I may only mention it and not refute it.  We'll see how things go as I write this.

Well I finally started working 40 hours a week, so here's hoping that things go well enough and I keep my sanity.  Speaking of sanity, I've discovered (or rediscovered) something that it helping me maintain my sanity.  Allow me to introduce Dorothy Parker to this blog.  I finally found a copy of both her complete stories and complete poems.  In reading her stories, I've found that not only is she a window into a completely different era (she wrote during the 1920s and 1930s), she also found stories and satire in everyday people doing everyday things.  I guess as I'm reading her snarky tales I'm comforted by a couple things.  1) Even ordinary people going about their lives can make interesting stories, primarily if you make it as sarcastic sounding as Dorothy.  It makes my average life seem not so bad, because that's what everyone elses' life is.  2) Not much has changed in our culture as far as I can see. 

So, let's see.  Gaga while doing her Gagavision episodes confronts a protester who claims that she is going to Hell.  You can read about it and see the video here.  And while I'm not in favor of confronting people who protest things with their religious convictions to drive them while they're out in public, I will do so if they really really irk me.  But I will always attempt to do so with a mindset of spirited debate, rather then being a jerk.  So, I guess I'm saying that I don't really agree with how she did it, but I agree with her message that hate and expressing that hate isn't a good thing.

Alright, so speaking of hate, *that group* has created a video as a spoof version of the no H8 campaign about the California gay marriage debate.  The whole video is about who God hates, and about dispelling some "misconceptions" about the Bible.  And I have more than a few issues with this.

The primary one being that God hates.  First of all, the person appearing in the segment to refute the idea that God actually does hate states that the OT is filled with intstances of God's wrath, anger, judgment, and hate.  Firstly, wrath, anger, and judgment are not the same as hate.  Keep in mind, God is supposed to be a Heavenly Father.  Using a parental analogy, God can get angry, even wrathful, and pass judgment on humans without hating any of them.  Sending unrepentant sinners to hell is the (in a really bad analogy) eternal version of grounding a child to their bedroom.  If God did hate anyone/anything that was/is his prerogative, but not our example. 

Next they address the issue that being gay is equal to eating shellfish, which is an argument presented to refute the use of OT passages to condemn homosexuality.  In refuting this argument they make note of the fact that God/Jesus appeared to Peter and told him that everything was ok to eat.  Therefore we can infer that the NT overrules the OT in certain instances.  Ergo, the whole OT business regarding sexual purity could be considered to be overruled due to the New Covenant of the NT.

Ok, and that's enough of that.  I can't even finish the video.  It's too painful.  I can't believe that there are people that would twist Christianity so much that it's not even the same religion.  I mean it looks, smells, sounds the same, but it's not.  For future reference, when I speak of Christianity, I'm not speaking of any sort of Christian fundamentalists, notably *that group*.

Now, shifting gears a little bit, apparently a teacher in San Diego was fired for posting an ad on Craigslist for sex.  Read the advocate story and the LA times story.  Mutual adult consenting sex.  With another man.  And he was fired.  Now, how is it that someone can be fired from a position based on what they do in their private life?  They shouldn't, plain and simple.  The argument that he violated a moral conduct code isn't valid because the (im)moral behavior of the code is purely subjective based on those who came up with it, so anything that they don't like would be considered immoral and therefore a terminable offense.  Not fair, and it should be illegal. 

Now I'm depressed and pissed, and I think I need to go play a video game or read some Dorothy Parker to get out of my funky mood.  To quote Dorothy's stories "Here's mud in your eye!"